frogs

there was a terrible depth in my stomach. my socks began to feel all dusty on the concrete. word has spread - I'm a drug addict - and not only that - but a terrible daughter. my mood ring says I'm feeling brown and green. anxious and unnerved? i think but I'm not sure what colours mean what anymore. i think I'm an orange. in the forest, outside the house, there are little creatures. they are shaped like frogs but really they are just little bubbles of light. all different colours. but only after looking really hard can you tell the difference. the ones you should watch out for are the gasoline coloured ones. the ones that shimmer and make you want to look. looking too long is what gets you. you know when you touch certain frogs from the jungle or weird plants and you can get poisoned just from whatever it is their skin releases? its like that but just from looking.

I'm pacing back and fourth not because of the frog things in the forest but because my mother has it in her head I've ruined my life. 3 joints and 2 bottles of wine for a girls weekend trip i'd say is pretty minor. kinda lame to be honest. she doesn't think so. She's personally offended. i don't think there's actually a way to convince her otherwise so I've resigned to pacing. to let it out of my system through step count. i need to be physical - in my body. my brain is holding too much filled with nothing but its really heavy

i try to feel my body breathing, really get back into it. maybe get some blood pumping. feel it make a short swell through my veins then depart just as quickly. i try all my five senses, sight, sound, touch, smell, taste - GO GO GO!! i see forest. i smell rain, i taste wine aftertaste, I'm touching my sleeve that i got beet juice on at dinner, i hear frogs. really loud frogs. i pace. finally they grow so loud i figure there must be one near me.

i love a good frog. i get a little freaked out by them however i do find them to be curious sort of creatures. their fingers are spongy and their bodies always feel sticky. how uncomfortable. they live on land AND water? their throats bulge and they can leap! how amazing

i cross the concrete path toward the edge of the forest. frogs chorus and sound so loud as if they were right behind the hedge, ready to jump out and scare me. a rustle sounds, some leaves move and out leaps a little green frog. i crook my head and crouch down. how cute... he seems to be shining almost. luminescent. filled with a certain...something. i stare, the little guy stares back. I'm hooked, and then- I was gone.