I got my haircut today
I think I still look the same
But also
Much different
Today I feel stuffed up emotionally
I wish I could stick garlic gloves up my heart like I can my nose
To clear out any congestion.
I wouldn't say that I feel depressed, or maybe I am but I wouldn't say I'm sad
At least not in the traditional term
Everything is going fine
Somethings aren't
But when are things always going well?
My dad called me today and before he hung up he said everything will be ok
And it made me feel better
I wish he could give me a big bear hug
But he had to go
Part of me is feeling awful about who I am
I get irritated so easily
And no matter how hard she hurts me
I begin to realize that maybe I am her
And there is no way of stopping it
At dinner
With my roommates parents
I went to the bathroom and wanted to call you
But I'd never called you before
And it felt like I was updating my husband on my annoying colleagues at work
The way they stared at me when I was asking them a question, trying to prolong the conversation so there wouldn't be awkward pauses
Was like I had just donated all their money to the green corps
With absolute pity. It looked like they were really trying to understand but they knew they would never
Because it was a stupid question
Or phrased badly
But it would have been better if they'd just pretended to fake it.
The guy I went on one bad date with was working that night,
He still wears his pearls
The nickname rings true
I couldn't make eye contact with him.
Even when he came up behind me to take my plate,
I just leaned closer into Macy
And I'm sure he knew I knew him
And I'm sure he knew me
But the last two times I saw him I couldn't help but ignore him
Because I didn't know what to say
And I'm nothing if not predictable.
I feel like a sleeping bag punched down as tight as possible.
I feel like a rat losing the race.
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