Today in the park, I found a spot in the sun and my back warmed like I was in the oven being baked.
I could feel myself rising as if I was a cinnamon roll.
I never know how to read in public.
I always feel like I have to energetically tell people I'm not reading for attention
But simply to read
But then I think too hard about people looking at me reading and thinking I'm not actually reading
It feels somewhat cowardly.
I feel some type of sick having to explain myself at all.
But I still manage to read.
I'm not done with this book yet, and it has no chapters so it's tricky to decide where to put it down.
I hate that I want my predicament to know that I was in pain and come to reassure me and make love to me to make it all the better. I hate how thinking of it made me cry more and still want it more and more.
The crying leading to more yearning.
More want of them.
Because -- I dont know why.
There is no why
There is only because
And there are so many should not's, dont even think about it, for your own good. But there are so many it feels so good to want something, even if it feels more painful than ever to not have it.
I am a cinnamon roll being warmed by the sun that is too hot and will eventually lead me to crackle under its heat and someone will take a big bite of me and I will be delicious. Made all the better by the slow melt of you, brown sugar burning down my face.
I wanna watch blue valentine with you and hide the fact that I'm for sure crying and I want to be held as I sleep, preferably by you but I'll take others if they are offering
I want to be sad, distraught even, in your presence, just to see what you'd do
How you'd make me feel better
Whether you have any caring instincts that go beyond a pout
And that proves I'm your favorite
With my hands wrapped around your heart.
I want big warm thumbs to touch my soft little cheek and rub away my tears and caress my jaw and hold tight to analyze the state of my eyes
I want you to listen in to all my conversations because I'm going to tell you all about them later anyways
I dont know what I want
But I know I want all this.
Comentarios