all i want is attention
you've got mine
why cant i have yours?
lack thereof is leading me from you
away to quick flashes of warmth
instead of a prolonged cold
with glimpses of heat inside
coming to you feels like a wall
i don't know how to talk to one
I'm confused as to where to go from here
it seems its in your hands
i dream that you shoot me with a bullet
and i am so happy i am sad
because at least than id have an answer
instead of some question floating in the air
with no one there to answer it
the cold vacuum void swallows up sounds and feeling
I'm trying my best not to ask for much
if i could i would ask for nothing
but I'm trying to live with myself and shes the only thing I've got
you've told me you don't reach out
that would be fine if when i did reach out i could feel a hand grasping back
instead i get muffled answers i cant translate
and i feel my own arm reaching around my middle
attempting to keep in all my guts that I've spilled onto the floor
crying and red in the face i gather myself back up
and spill it all on the page in hopes i might come across better there
but you never know
maybe ill sound more scattered
the more I'm mad at you the more i think about you
the longer i wait to text you, the less you text me the emptier i feel
until i come to the complete rotation of you no longer love me need me want me see me
and i wont be able to bear that
if i cant also see that you are the one shooting the gun.
so in my head you are standing across from me
in a field
and you are pointing your gun at me
and i am still because it feels good to be right
and i can breathe because at last ill have a clear answer
and it will be sad to see your finger depress
but it will also be beautifully tragic
that we crumpled together in quiet with one loud bang
and it will prove that i was right
that what i had been trying to tell you along was true
that i am the most unwanted thing in the world but at least I've got my wits about me
and maybe my soul would finally find satisfaction in that
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